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Are you really enough? About self-reflection and self-acceptance

This past year has been tough on me. I guess in general terms I may not complain. Everything has been more than beautiful in our lives. Midas and I have each other. We are blessed to have Yasmin and Aveline. We have travelled a lot and have made even more wonderful plans for the coming year. This doesn’t sound too tough though, does it?

 

The thing is, one of the facts I have slowly started realizing is that no one can determine how you are supposed to feel by the way your life looks to them. We feel what we feel, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of the way we feel.

 

In my perception, it was probably one of the hardest years for me. This doesn’t mean I am not endlessly grateful for everything that happened to me. I truly am, and yet this happiness came at an emotional cost.

 

I have been hard on myself. What I should have reached by my 30s. What kind of mother and wife I should be. How successful, active, educated or disciplined I am supposed to be.

 

This new status, a mother of two, has put all the weight of the responsibility on my shoulders; not only for the physical well-being of our girls but especially the moral obligation for what example I should be giving them.

 

Deep inside I knew this was not the right thing, that I should just be myself, I should be happy. Yet it’s easier said than done. But today, lying in a warm bath at 2am, looping my usual “To do list” with 1000 points on it and blaming myself for not having finished it all earlier, for the first time I thought to myself: “Enough”.

 

I have finally decided to accept that at this very moment I am the best version of myself. I have been shaped by where I came from and what happened to me, and all of it has left its footprint on my personality. And that’s exactly why there is no chance I can compare my journey to any other’s.

I will still be striving to become better, kinder, more organized, disciplined, successful and active. I will keep learning. I will be working on my relationship and my career. I will keep trying to be an even better mother for my children.

 

But I will keep one thing in mind. I AM ENOUGH. These three words mean that there will be no daily self-crucifixion, no regrets of what I am not or what I don’t have. The moment I start looping these destructive thoughts, I’ll remind myself that I am enough and rather think of how I can improve tomorrow.

 

And you are enough, too.

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